Parenting vs Depression & Anxiety

#depression #anxiety #parenting #griefsupport #mentalhealth

One thing about small humans they do not care about your feelings or how you feel when they want you to do something for them. Well at least my small human doesn’t care.

The month of June I struggled with my anxiety more than I have in the past. I struggled to do everything. One I was in laying in bed trying to reset from the anxiety attack I had earlier that day. My teens completely understood without me having to tell them much details. They are emotionally intelligent and sensitive to my depression and anxiety symptoms. Which I absolutely adore about them. Because I know their compassion for others goes beyond just me.

This 4 year old of mine however does not care! He climbed on me, yelled in my ear, laid his whole 3 foot 7 inch, 36 pound body on my back, while I was trying to sleep. Mind you I’m only 5 foot 4 inches. He is currently playing with my elbow fat talking about “I love your muscles 💪🏽, it’s beautiful. It’s smiling” as he is squeezing it. He asked for waffles 🧇, pizza, 🍕 and for me to wake up because it’s Father’s Day. It was in fact not Father’s Day.

I refused to allow him to win. You know establishing boundaries, so I could care for myself. I needed to rest, which was one of the things my anxiety was telling me. But I was hard headed for a few days. I finally got it together. So I was going to make sure I rested. Despite my 4 year olds demand for my attention and the energy I didn’t have to give.

If you have ever had any type of emotional attack, it’s like getting the life knocked out of you no matter how small or how big the attack. It takes time to get your heart, mind and body to regulate. Sometimes only a few minutes other times a few hours. For me , this thing was taking it’s time. it God be because it was my 2nd one that week, I don’t know. But homie was chillin like an unwelcome houseguest. I was like “So what you about to get into” Because why are you still here? *rolls eyes 👀. I later figured out it was spiritual. We will get into that another day.

I patiently waited, allowing everything to go back to normal. If I have not learned anything rushing through it doesn’t help. But I do know there are things to help guide it on it’s way out of my body.

Now if you have never had anxiety, Praise God! But If you have then you understand that anxiety is a crazy feeling.

Here are a few indicators that you may be having an anxiety attack.

• Your belly is doing somersaults and you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster.

• Your head's spinning, but not in the fun 'just won a game show' way.

• Feeling jittery like you're about to perform on stage.

• Can't seem to keep still, like a child anticipating a surprise.

• Pesky nagging headaches or backaches that just won't quit.

• Breathing like you've just run a marathon

• Your heart is beating like off of a Cartoon when they’re heart would escape their chest.

• Breaking out in a sweat like you've been sunbathing in the Sahara.

If you have small children like me, you need help and support during this time. I’m grateful to have my husband and my 3 teenagers. But I also know everybody doesn’t have that support.

So here’s a few things I do to help. Sometimes they help other times, I just have to allow it ride out.

I pray and recite “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;”‭‭ Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬. Then I say 3 things I am grateful for in that moment. Another scripture a friend of mine told me to read and recite is “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭23‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I also try to use the restless energy that comes with the anxiety attacks to clean, declutter and to organize. That energy used to clean will have an area of your home spotless.

Take a walk. After 3 days of this horrible uneasy feeling, I prayed desperately for some relief. I heard God say “Take a walk” So I took a walk around. After my walk, I finally got some relief. So go take a walk.

Now listen I know these options are not always feasible when this happens. But this is where family and friends support plays an important role in dealing with anxiety and depression.

If you don’t have in home support, call or text a friend ASAPly and tell them you need help. Yes, you need help! and Yes you have to ask for it or you HAVE to accept it when they offer it. I know I just cursed at some of y’all but someone had to say it. You need help. You can’t do this alone. So there’s that.

If calling a friend is not an option for whatever reason. Take a moment and sit with your child(ren). AND BREATH! Take 4 slow deep breaths. Inhale and Exhale. Let your little one(s) know that mommy is not ok and you need a moment. Yup tell them the truth. This teaches your child empathy, honesty and compassion. Ask your little one for a big hug or cuddle them. My little one loves to cuddle and sit in my lap so for us issa win! He gets to cuddle with mommy and I get my anxiety to calm down.

The wonderful thing about a hug, it has been known to increase the oxytocin in your brain, calming your heart rate, releasing the tension in your body and settle your restlessness. The flip side a hug can also help release unresolved feelings so you could also start crying.

No worries, let it out! Girl Cry! You probably need it.

I have a friend who I call Huggins. This woman gives the absolute best hugs! I am convinced that God gave her the power to heal others through her hugs! Her hug can help you release a much needed cry or fill you with joy that bubbles up and makes you laugh! You will always say “I needed that!” That’s how powerful a hug from the right person is. And that person could just be your small human. Why tho? Because studies have shown that women in particular, when we hold our child(ren), it increases our oxytocin levels almost instantly.

More oxytocin, more happy feelings, less anxiety and less depression.

With that being said sit in the moment and don’t shut anyone out during this time, not even your child(ren). This is the time you need them. And you need to allow yourself to be comforted. This is something I had to learn and embrace. I eventually let him sit in my lap and cuddled him. And I’m glad I did. My small human won and I was able to care for myself.

Permission Granted.