Making Peace with Acceptance
- Ta'Mara Lynna
- Nov 30, 2023
- 2 min read
Over the weekend I attended a funeral out of town for my uncle’s first wife. My Aunt Vicki. She is the mother of his children and she is who i was raised around. No shade to his current wife, as i love her dearly and she is the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. My oldest cousin rode with my husband, son and I to the homegoing service. We got to talk about all of the trauma and issues we’ve gone through and the mass amount of dysfunction on our grandfathers side of the family. The conversation was definitely needed for the both of us. It was our little therapy sessions. As we talked we got on the subject of forgiveness and acceptance.
During our conversation, my cousin shared a recurring dream she had of seeing my deceased brother. In the dream, she asked him where he had been and why he left, since we had already had a funeral for him. He told her it wasn't him in the casket and that he had been out of town the entire time.
Wild right?! I have had similar dreams but mine were inspired by a music video I watched about how this man was in a lot of trouble, so he faked his death. His family had a funeral and whole procession down the street while he watched from a far the whole time. Then after about 10 years he came back.
My brother has been gone for 26 years.
Year 10 hit and I got excited like ok great! Dude that killed him is out of prison. My brother can finally come back now and everything will be great. I truly thought he would find me and my mom and come home then we would all move away.
Year 11, ok he’s coming back.
Year after year, I believed he was coming back. Because the story I received about his murder was just unreal. I couldn’t believe it and couldn’t accept it. 2012, I knew he was coming back. Our momma had died suddenly from an aneurysm. I just knew he wasn’t gonna just leave me to handle that on my own. Because like who would do such a horrible thing.
It hit me he was really gone and wasn’t coming back.
Now my momma is gone and I was left alone to grieve them both. I finally had to accept he was truly gone. He wasn’t coming back. But what came of me finally accepting this was freedom. I was able to grieve my mother. And get to a place of acceptance. Acceptance is not a fix all. However accepting the things you cannot change releases the burden of trying to carry all the guilt, hurt, and pain you have been carrying for so long. It give you permission to feel your feelings and celebrate your loved without being overcome with sadness.
Acceptance is not a fix all. However accepting the things you cannot change releases the burden of trying to carry all the guilt, hurt, and pain you have been carrying for so long. It give you permission to feel your feelings and celebrate your loved one without being overcome with sadness.
I have to say, my mother past in 1981 and here it is 43 years later and I see that day in my mind almost daily. To lose someone dear and close to you it is hard to let go and Yes my life would be totally different right now and if my Mother was alive I say, I know, I would take care of her. But God had different plans and I still find myself asking why would God take a mother from a lil girl and allowed her to find life on her own (I know you can’t question God but to accept his way)
I have grown to realize that that was pretty selfish and knowing that…
I was just thinking about my mother today. In just a couple of years on the 20th anniversary of her passing, I will have been alive longer without her than with her. It is so weird because when I think of her, it does not feel like something that happened so long ago. After reading your post, I see that you have some experience with losing someone close to you, unfortunately. For me, I don't think the pain of the loss will ever go away fully. And maybe that's a good thing. Because she lives on, in my memories and ultimately in my actions. Okay sorry had to vent lol. I came on here to look around because I loved…